Lingering Kisses
by annaisadinosaur
Summary: There was never anything between Sirius and Lily, not anything that either of them would ever dare admit. She wasn't his, and Sirius knew it. He didn't really want her, anyways, because of course he didn't. It was Lily Evans, for Merlin's sake, and he'd never had a chance with the girl for as long as he'd known her. A series of random Sirius/Lily one-shots.
1. Vows

**Lingering Kisses**

_Vows_

* * *

The knock made Lily want to throw something at the door.

No, she was _not_ going to answer it, no matter how tempted she might have been. She didn't know why he was there, and honestly, she didn't care. She'd long grown tired of dealing with him and she had much better things to do than clean her house of dungbombs or any of Sirius's other infamous disasters. _Especially_ the disasters that weren't pranks at all.

But the knock sounded again and she felt her stomach lurch.

With all her might, Lily peeled herself from the sofa and walked to the door as if she was being held back by a thousand ton weight. She stood on her tiptoes, peeking out through the peephole, and there he was, looking as clean and polished as ever.

She felt sick, and yet she couldn't just ignore him. Well, she _could_, but she wouldn't. She chided herself internally for her lack of will power and drew the door open anyways.

"Sirius," Lily sighed with exhaustion, but her gaze softened at the sight of his bright smile and the sweet orange flowers he gripped in his fist.

He bowed his head briefly, a kind of playfulness, and extended the hand holding the flowers to her. "A gift for the bride to be," he said, answering her unpoised question.

Lily's eyes felt heavy, and she was tempted to tell him to come back later, as in, quite possibly, never. But it was that same look in his eyes that made the very thought impossible. She accepted the flowers from him, bringing them under her nose to inhale the scent. They were beautiful, she couldn't help admitting, but it all felt much too wrong.

She raised her eyes back to him, sadness mingling with her gratitude. "Thank you," she murmured, lowering the flowers from her face. "Come in. I'll make you tea."

"Ah, you don't—"

"Sirius, shut up. You're having tea."

He hesitated as she walked back inside, leaving the door ajar, and the corner of his mouth turned slightly, a resigned smile. Lily Evans was much too stubborn.

Lily busied herself with heating the water, waving her wand about around the kitchen, effortlessly putting together the essentials. She made sure to perfect every one of her movements and take as long as she pleased, as there was a sickening chill that ran its way up her arms, and she had no desire to face it immediately.

His presence, though, was hard not to notice, and from the corner of her eye she caught him standing at the kitchen entrance, leaning onto the wall and watching. Sirius Black was much too stubborn.

Couldn't he see how badly she did not want to discuss it? He'd never mentioned it, and she had no reason to think that that was what he wanted to discuss, but she had a feeling. That was how Sirius and Lily worked. They hardly ever cooperated, always bickering in the end, but it was a silent form of agreement that made them so maddeningly compatible.

It was not a discussable topic, Lily had convinced herself, especially because they had never needed to. They both knew what they'd wanted to say without ever even saying so. It wasn't magic, but it might as well have been. It wasn't seemingly possible, but the fact that it was drove Lily and Sirius both visibly insane.

By then, the tea was, of course, as perfect as Lily could have possibly made it, and she took a cup and handed it to him, moving gently and cautiously, careful when meeting Sirius's eye. She glanced over to where she'd deposited Sirius's flowers on the counter and decided he really must have been quite wicked. _Flowers_. What a peace offering.

He sipped the tea and Lily moved away again, conjuring a vase and setting up a suitable home for the flowers, determined to avoid him as much as she possibly could. Not that she really could at all, considering he was in her flat and it was only the two of them, no one and nothing more. He was there for her, and the conclusion made Lily's hands shake.

It was unfair, she reminded herself, to treat Sirius like this. He hadn't ever done anything, except perhaps that one time. Except, well, that hadn't been the only time. And yet it wasn't as if she could hold it against him. It had been just as much her fault as it had been his.

"Lily," he spoke softly, his voice ruffling through the air and over her skin. She didn't meet his eyes. The sound of porcelain clinking onto the countertop rung through the air and she closed her eyes for a moment, replaying the moments that sometimes raced through her mind at night; they weren't necessarily haunting, but looped again and again until the thoughts had tied themselves in a giant knot.

She let out a strangled breath and raised her gaze.

"Look, I get it," Sirius said, and she wondered how much he really did understand, how much he really _could _understand about her. "I'm not trying to sabotage your relationship with James. Excuse me, engagement." His eyes went to her hand, the fourth finger that delicately sported the glistening ring, and a lighthearted smirk flitted across his features briefly. "Honestly, it's all I've ever wanted for you two. You're brilliant, Lily. And beautiful. But you and I—we're meant to poke fun at James, yeah? Dig up his baby pictures and wave them in his face, making sure to never let him forget that one picture of his bum."

Lily winced, but the memory drove a laugh out of her. Sirius had discovered a stash of James's baby pictures from the Potters and showed them to Lily one day. The only one she could remember was the photograph of James in a blue bonnet, starch naked with his fat baby bum taking up most of the shot. His pitiful wail couldn't even top its hilarity. They'd spent the entire afternoon laughing so hard they were quite certain they would die of suffocation but they hadn't cared at all. James had grown red and snatched it away from them, muttering something about how Sirius was only jealous because his bum had never looked so good, and when Lily's laughter had subsided, she gave him a kiss on the cheek and all was forgotten.

She had a feeling that the photograph would resurface at their wedding. Sirius would make sure of it.

"We are," Lily agreed, and she smiled genuinely, growing more comfortable as she remembered that soon she would be Lily Evans Potter and anything that had happened between her and Sirius was inconsequential. "I don't know what we'd do without you, Sirius. Even if you're bloody annoying sometimes."

"Well, you could give me credit for trying," he said, a similar smile falling onto his own face.

But then in a second it was gone. No it wasn't, not really, but a foreign emotion passed across his face, and if she hadn't known him any better, she might not have known it had been there at all. And then his façade crumbled completely, strain finding his grey eyes, a frown forming on his thin lips, just a hint of despair dashing across his features.

"Sirius." A scolding sigh, and the brokenness that overwhelmed Sirius's being was all too strange and uncomfortable for Lily. She went to him and wrapped him in her arms, breathing in his scent, closing her eyes.

The touch was all it took for Lily to drown in the thoughts again.

Where would they be without James?

How would she feel about Sirius if it wasn't for James?

Why was it so difficult to remember that James and Sirius were two completely different kinds of friends?

Why couldn't she just remember Sirius as the git that had tormented her best friend for years?

The pressure of his lips on her forehead brought her to the surface and her thoughts were abandoned, a soaring feeling of heat and blind elation taking control of her mind instead. Her hands tangled in his hair, his mouth gentle and unforgiving on hers, their breaths mingling with invisible passion and irrelevant drive.

But that had happened months ago and she couldn't bear to relive those feelings again, not when he was so close to her. She glanced up at him, and without saying anything, she knew he'd felt the same thing.

They released each other from what had been nothing but a friendly embrace. Lily couldn't hide the flush that had crawled its way up her cheeks, though, and apparently neither could Sirius. She rubbed her palms absentmindedly up her forearm and to her elbow again and again to calm the nerves that had betrayed her senses.

Sirius pressed his lips in a firm line, and inhaled a small breath. "I did come to try to win you over," he admitted, and the confession drove the flush from Lily's cheeks, leaving her white and suddenly nauseous. "But not like that, Lily," he started quickly, taking notice of her reaction. "I mean as a friend. I wanted to make sure you knew that I am the only one that can kill you and make you think you're having the greatest time of your life all in the same moment." He nudged her shoulder and a warm smile filled the ache in her body, remembering the way they'd both keeled over laughing until their lungs were dry and they were scraping at their throats for oxygen. And that itself had been so ridiculous to them that it'd caused them to fall into entirely separate fits of laughter. She'd been sore for a week after that.

She nodded, gulping air, and bit her bottom lip.

"You can't ever replace me," he told her, and though he was teasing as he always did, she didn't dare to doubt his sincerity. "Promise?"

"Of course." She lifted a hand and ruffled his hair, pinching his cheek for good measure. "I'll write you once a week. Will you get sick of me?"

He scoffed. "Are you joking? I'll see you every day. James told me he'll get me my own room in your place."

Lily scowled, riddling a laugh out of Sirius.

"No, no. But I'll be over every other day for dinner."

"Merlin," Lily murmured. She leaned back against the counter, watching Sirius's face with mirth. "Who's going to be _making_ dinner?"

"I'll help, I suppose," Sirius said, shrugging his shoulders, and then suddenly raised his eyebrows with determination. "I do make a _wicked_ roast lamb, you know."

She scrunched up her face. "Maybe I'll just take care of it for you. You are the guest, after all."

"What? No lamb? What's wrong with lamb?"

"It's so _slimy_," she said, shuddering.

"You've just never had my roast lamb, that's all," he said, nodding his head. "You'll see. You'll regret you ever said that, Lily Evans. Mark my word."

"I suppose you'll just have to prove it, then, Sirius Black."

"Is that a challenge?"

"Is it?"

"What a good question." He rolled his eyes and Lily laughed, rushing forward instinctively and giving him another hug that lasted no more than two seconds.

"We'll stay in contact, whether you're over every day or not," she promised, meeting his eyes daringly with a certain kind of sparkle in her emerald gaze.

He nodded assuredly. "Does that mean you're kicking me out now?"

"Of course not. You can stay as long as you'd like. We can watch muggle films and eat all sorts of muggle candy that you'll probably hate."

He patted her on the head as if she was a pet. "I'm only teasing. I've got to get going anyways. James and I have to bask in the glory of his remaining single days, you know. A _very_ important time."

"Sirius Black, if there are any girls involved, you will receive a hexing like no other, do you hear me? And no excessive drinking, I don't—"

He scooted away from her quickly, dashing back towards the door. "I'm going to leave before you go any farther with this. You can't ruin _all_ of our fun, can you?"

"Sirius! I'm not joking!"

"I'll see you later, Lils! When you're in that brilliant white dress of yours! Happy and calm and not hexing me into oblivion!"

"_Sirius_—!"

He laughed, blew her a kiss, and ran out the door, disappearing out of sight on his motorcycle before Lily could summon another coherent sentence.

She stood at the door, hand firm on the frame, and let out a long breath. She loved Sirius with everything she'd ever known about love. Maybe not as she loved James, maybe not as she loved her parents or even as she loved Petunia. In a way that was particularly unique, particularly Sirius. The feeling of his lips on her forehead lingered, and though it was relatively nothing, that boy himself was definitely something.

* * *

_A/N: This started off as an entry for a competition, but I dropped out later and now it's just a plain and lovely series of random, unrelated one-shots depicting the angst and heartbreak and general playful puppy love between Sirius Black and Lily Evans Potter. I do hope you'll give the two of them a chance because I guarantee that at the end of the day, James and Lily will always still be together, one hundred and twenty percent. You have my word!_

_Be so kind and leave a few words of encouragement? Thank you for reading, lovelies! xx_


	2. Flammable

**Lingering Kisses**

_Flammable_

* * *

Sirius had always known better than to trust the calm that the rain brought. It was a bad sign, he'd heard it a million times, but the rain carried a kind of calm and tranquility that made him light and content. But this, he reminded himself, was bad, the calm before the wrath of the storm. All hell was bound to break loose any moment.

But what if it didn't? There were exceptions to everything. Nothing bad had to happen. What a negative way of thinking. It was beautiful, the rain, and Sirius allowed the serenity to envelop him.

But that was where it went wrong. When he was watching the way the wind pushed the rain down the asphalt, focusing on the way the leaves fell and rose repeatedly under the force of the falling droplets, listening to the sound of the pitter-patters on his rooftop, ebbing away all the knots in his mind, that was where it all went wrong.

The frantic pounding on the door shook him from his trance.

Immediately, Sirius rose and answered the door, revealing a girl soaked to the bone with a mane of wet red hair sticking to her face like a mop.

"Lily," Sirius said, frowning. "What are you doing?"

She was livid even without Sirius's instigation. "Well a bloody hello to you too," she fumed. "What do you mean what am I doing? Am I inconveniencing you with my presence?"

He blinked and wondered if it would be an appropriate time to make a joke but stared at her blankly instead, coming up with nothing. "I meant, why are you soaking wet? Why didn't you just apparate inside?" And then he smiled a little, finding his stride again. "I don't walk around my house naked, you know."

She, however, was not amused, and grew red in the face, seemingly competing with the ferocity of her hair. "I forgot which one was your house! They all look exactly the same, and I couldn't remember if it was 16 or 19! Why the hell don't you get a more identifiable house?"

Sirius turned to staring again, and his only reply was, "Um," though there was no need for much of an answer; he quickly remembered the predicament and held the door open for Lily to come inside.

She huffed a little, busying herself with hanging her cloak on the railing to the stairs and waving her wand around at it.

Sirius scratched the back of his neck. "So, is there something you needed or did you just come to have a nice visit—"

"Sirius Black, stop talking for one moment before I hex your mouth off."

His eyes widened in surprise and he had to make a conscious effort not to make a pathetic retort. He watched as she furrowed her brows, muttering things under her breath, staring with frustration at her soaking cloak. She appeared to be wracking her brain for some sort of information but was quite obviously not finding anything of satisfying result. "Oh, for the love of Merlin," she sighed. "Do you know a drying spell? I can't remember one."

Sirius nodded and gripped his wand, flicked a wrist towards her cloak, murmured something inaudibly, and returned his wand to his pocket all in one fluid motion.

Lily ran a hand over her cloak and smoothed a crease. "Thanks," she murmured, and then turned to look Sirius hard in the eye. "I need to stay here."

Sirius stared once more, assuming the rain was preventing her from her plans or something of the sort. "What for?"

She let out a long breath, turning from him slightly. "James and I were fighting and I just… walked out. I don't have anywhere to stay."

"You and James had a fight?" He raised his eyebrows. "I thought you were always _lovey-dovey goochie-coo_ with each other."

She shot him a look. "Yes, we had a fight. I'm sorry to disappoint you," she muttered crossly.

"No need," Sirius said casually. "People fight. It's only expected."

He made a quick mental note that James had told him they'd just found out she was pregnant, and Sirius figured her hormones were likely wild and out of control. _Women_. Looking at her now, though, Sirius couldn't notice any kind of difference in her shape, and if anything she looked thinner than usual. He absentmindedly found himself wondering how James had let his pregnant wife just storm out of the house anyhow, but then assumed James was probably crying in his bedroom over their altercation and wouldn't be in the proper state to stop her. Maybe he wasn't crying, but the thought of him resorting to pitiful, childlike tears made Sirius chuckle in spite of his best mate.

It was an internal chuckle, though; he hardly dared to reveal any bit of mirth in front of the incredibly flammable Lily Potter.

"But, wait, Lily," Sirius said suddenly, a thoughtful crease forming between his brows, "James wouldn't like it if you stayed here."

"Does it matter?" she snapped. "I don't care! I could be on the street rights now for all he knows, that immature and insensitive prat!"

He sighed, wondering how he'd managed to come in the middle of this. "I'll make you some tea, all right?" And spike it with Soothing Solution, but Lily didn't have to know that.

"Okay," she breathed outward heavily, turning and falling on a sofa with resignation.

Sirius hummed as he darted to prepare the tea and brought it back to Lily in very likely record breaking time, though he paid no mind to point it out, seeing as she was unlikely to be very impressed.

"Here you are," he said gently, handing her the cup. She took it and thanked him quietly, stirring it with a wave of her hand, eyes focused somewhere outside the window and towards the pattern of the rain. Sirius shifted uncomfortably. "Don't you think you should get home soon, Lily? It's getting late and you know James. He'll fret like no other."

She set the cup down without drinking it. "I'm not going back," she said with fierce determination, tensing her jaw.

"All right. But Lily, you can't stay here. Don't you…" He stopped, suddenly uncomfortable about continuing his thought.

"Don't I?"

"I just don't think you should stay here," he finished lamely.

"And why not?" she demanded, standing straight up. He held her forceful gaze and saw angry tears glimmering in her emerald eyes. "Do you have someone else spending the night?"

He flinched slightly at her implication. "No. I just think that James—"

"I don't care what he thinks, Sirius!"

He sighed wearily. "Yes, you do. You're just mad. You'll care when you calm down."

"I am perfectly calm!" she seethed, hitting a deathly note that was every bit the opposite of what Sirius considered to be calm.

"Lily, just think about it. You're welcome to stay as long as you want, just not for the night. Okay? You have to go home." Her expression didn't budge. "Please."

"I can't. Just get over—"

"Lily!" Sirius cried with desperation. "I'm a man, okay? You can't just walk out on your husband and go spend the night at some other man's house."

She pressed her lips together firmly. "But it's not just some other man, Sirius, it's you. You're his best friend, you don't count."

"I _do_ count, Lily, you know I do. Just—just think for a moment. It's not right."

"It's not like anything's going to happen," she breathed like a dragon. "You're making a big deal out of nothing. Sirius, just forget about James. This isn't about him. I just need this little favor, and I won't bother you at all—"

"Lily, no! You don't get it! You can't just barge in here and pretend like you don't remember what happened the last time you did this!"

She narrowed her eyes, and Sirius could see it in the way her gaze softened that she finally realized why he was being so adamant.

They hadn't been married then, James and Lily. She'd been furious. When they were still in school, James had perfected the skill of angering her on a daily basis; as they grew older, it seemed as if he'd lost his touch. He was still quite capable, though, and when she did break down, she erupted into flames. She'd found Sirius that time. She'd vented and complained and cried and kissed him.

It hadn't just been anything, either. It was a full-out snog and it had quite honestly blown Sirius's mind. He could still remember the way she felt, her hair soft and long beneath his fingers, her lips hot and rough on his, her shoulders pressed into his chest like blades. It was overwhelming and so wrong but he'd felt the most intense electricity course through his body that he'd been unable to stop himself.

But she'd cried. She ran away from him, apparating before he could even mutter a word of apology. They ignored each other for two weeks before Sirius finally cornered her and made her listen as he finally got the apology out. Maybe cornering her hadn't been the most clever approach, but she hadn't cursed him, so it couldn't have been too stupid of an idea.

And then after that, they'd been fine.

But here she was again. Her gaze quickly returned to stone and she lashed out again. "That's not going to happen again."

"I know. I'm capable of controlling myself," he said, finding that he himself was growing irritated as well. "I'm just telling you that I am the same as any other man and regardless James would have an issue with it. His best friend or not."

She twitched, moving back from him slightly. "Aren't you supposed to be _my_ friend? What happened to that? I trust you, and when I need someone, you prove to be good for absolutely nothing!"

There was a loud crack of glass somewhere but Sirius was too blind with fury to notice what it had been. "What, so is that all I'm here for?" His anger pulsed and something else shattered. "A last resort for when things are going wrong with James?"

She gritted her teeth. "That was never meant to happen!"

He didn't know how to feel. He didn't mean to feel offended; he had no place to be. But something inside of him stirred, a feeling he'd long ago buried. A little wisp of a thought in his head reminded him that he'd had just as much of a chance as James; she'd liked him just as much, though they'd never said anything about it, and he'd let it go, let it go for something he knew he couldn't come between. They were fantastic together, James and Lily, and he had never regretted his withdrawal. But nothing could satisfy the pain of being second-best, of being nothing but a shoulder to cry on, of being the back-up friend.

He couldn't handle the way Lily's emotions spun out of control whenever she was angry and the way she would latch onto him and then regret it moments after. It went from mild to all too much to nothing at all with the two, and it sent Sirius reeling.

"No, Lily," he said. "Go home."

Her fury sent tears spilling from her eyes and something else broke, loudly this time, and Sirius felt the force of glass collapse onto the carpet beside him. She yelled something but the blood rushing through Sirius's ears rendered Lily incoherent and with an echoing pop she was gone along with her cloak.

Sirius's stomach clenched sickeningly. He'd done the right thing, hadn't he?

He stared into the daunting silence for what felt like forever. The cup of tea on the table trembled with the sound of thunder and the remnants of Lily's exit. He stepped over a shattered vase and retrieved the cup. It was warm on his fingers and untainted, and he brought it to his mouth, letting the Soothing solution drown his sudden shakes.

One day there would be a time to assess those stubborn, lingering feelings for Lily. One day they would be gone, maybe. But for now, all he wanted was tea.

The rain really was always a bad sign.

* * *

_A/N: What can I say, these two are really growing on me. I'm still forever a James/Lily shipper, and I promise all of you James/Lily shippers out there won't be utterly revolted by the next installments. (I say this again.) This one just deals with the limits of their friendship and the prevailing pieces of a connection they once had, more or less. More to come, thanks for reading! ^^_


	3. Alone

**Lingering Kisses**

_Alone_

* * *

Mysterious things they were, hearts. Disconnected from the mind. It was the only theory that made a note of possible sense; how else could a mere feeling produce such an internal tear in his body?

He hurt, hurt like nothing else, longed for the impossible, the unlikely, the wrong, the worst of all. His mind had abandoned him, had run on pure feelings instead, had allowed his heart to bind to air itself. It was like trying to catch smoke with his bare hands.

He exhaled a long and steady breath, expelling crystallized air that lingered before his eyes and faded away within moments.

He'd never _chosen_ it; why would he have? Falling was never a choice. It took its victims in moments of strength, of balance, and promptly assured them of weakness, reminded them of gravity, quite often smacking them in the face.

Sirius raised a hand to his cheek, rubbing it absentmindedly, fingers dead and numb from the icy weather. He lowered his hand then, staring at it with grey eyes, the color of the winter, wondering vaguely if bringing gloves would have been an intelligent choice.

And she noticed, because of _course_ she did. Lily Evans noticed everything.

"Here," she said, tossing a pair of black gloves into his open palms. "Put those on."

He didn't think to ask where they could have come from; she'd probably conjured them out of the snow or something of similar difficulty. He caught her emerald gaze and mumbled a thanks, working his hands into the openings of the gloves, with difficulty, as the cold had considerably restricted the fluidity of his movements.

Lily laughed and went to him, taking a glove in two hands and wrenching it around his bare hands. "There."

He stretched his fingers out in the warmth of the fabric and allowed a smile to pass his features. "What would I do without you?"

She shrugged, digging her hands in her coat pockets. "Freeze, probably."

"Likely," he agreed, swiping a hand over the wooden fence. The snow stuck to his gloved finger tips and he balled it into a fist, collecting it together in absentminded flexes of his hand. He stared at the shape of the snow in his hand and his gaze quickly darted to Lily, whose face was pointed towards the sky, catching snowflakes on the tip of her red nose.

With suddenly wild determination, Sirius gathered more snow in his hand and molded it into a choppy sphere, and took advantage of her momentary distraction to launch the snowball straight at her flaming red head of hair.

She shrieked immediately at contact, shaking out her hair and bending down to grab a fistful of snow in retaliation.

Sirius tactfully dodged her throws and tossed several balls of snow blindly while shielding his eyes from her wrath.

Lily threw with all the force she had, laughing and running to and fro, ducking, spinning. Then Sirius aimed a snowball and it hit her square in the face.

She stopped, blinking slowly as the snow fell back to the ground.

"Woops," Sirius said. "You all right?"

She wiped the snow from her eyes without a response and flung two handfuls of snow in his vulnerable direction.

"Oi!" Sirius cried, creating an unending chain of laughter between the two of them as the snow continued to shoot like broomsticks through the cool air.

After several more pelts in the face, Lily threw her forearms over her eyes. "I give up! I surrender! White flag!"

Sirius smiled, letting the snow fall from his fingers, and wiped his hands together, breathing out misty breath.

She pushed past him, sinking to the white ground, hands digging through piles of snow. "Professor Slughorn will have a fit if we don't get back soon," she said pointedly, shooting him a backwards glance. "The Doxy eggs should be in mounds of snow. But the centaurs kicked them up last night during the storm, so they should be closer to the surface."

"Right," Sirius said, recalling the _real_ reason they were out on the grounds while class was in session. Slughorn had specifically chosen the two to retrieve a sample of Doxy eggs for the Dizziness Draught they would be preparing in class. "What the bugger's a Doxy, anyway?" he asked with distraction.

"It's the Biting Fairy, known for its venom," Lily answered automatically, as if she was reading from a textbook. "They're awful things, pests, really. Like to nest in the colder months. Their eggs are rather useful though. The shell is used in Soothing Solutions..."

That was as much as Sirius internalized, but he nodded along with feigned understanding as the two continued to search the mounds with their gloved fingers.

With the deep chill of the air and the quiet that carried nothing but the sound of the wind and Lily's voice, Sirius fell into the delirium that was his mind. Lily dominated it, directing the trail of thoughts with her distant words.

He couldn't help but admire the way her snow-flecked hair fell over her shoulders, or the way her eyebrows raised and gaze grew steady as she explained things to him. Couldn't help but admire the way she always picked herself up and strutted away indignantly from him and James when they broke the rules as they so often did. She was unique, strangely so, and yet the fact that James fancied her was enough to set Sirius running in the opposite direction.

It didn't happen to help that he was constantly forced to be around her. Professor Slughorn must have been determined to ruin him.

It didn't make logical sense. Lily Evans had always annoyed him before, and the same things that he admired now had once been objects of livid vexation. He'd never understood how James could be so caught up with her, until the terrible day he did.

Perhaps it was the daunting fact that he wasn't _meant _to fancy her as he did that drove his fixation. It was like he was a child; tell him not to, and it was the very next thing he did. It was a sickening twist to his stomach, the overwhelming presence of Lily in his mind, and honestly, it made him feel more alone than anything.

"Found one!" she cried triumphantly, shooting up from the ground and sprinting to him. She held it towards him in her palm, a small, dainty purple looking shell, fragile and frozen. Her cheeks were flushed pink and her smile decorated the color, a satisfied look equivalent to that of the greatest accomplishment. "How many do you reckon we need?"

He shrugged. "A few more wouldn't hurt."

She rolled her eyes, walking away from him. "That is, if you can find _any_."

"Here we go, I've found one just now." He dug up an egg from the ground, raised his hand in the air and waved it at her. "I'm flattered by your confidence in me, by the way."

"As you should be," she replied swiftly, burying her hands in the depths of the snow once more. "Oh, I've found another. Look, there's two here!"

Sirius scoffed. "Would you like to find the rest?"

"Of course not," she said, creating a make-shift nest of snow to hold the eggs she'd found for the moment. "I've got all the confidence in you, remember."

He did. He attempted to busy himself with searching, but the wind grew harsh and bit at his cheeks, and the shivering that encompassed his limbs was suddenly all too much.

"Oh, we've got to go inside," Lily said, standing up and brushing herself off. "Before it gets worse out—"

As if on cue, an incredible gust overwhelmed the two, spraying them with blinding snow that crawled its way down their necks and beneath the warmth of their coats. Sirius cursed loudly, dropped the egg, and grabbed Lily's wrist and pulled her from her spot. He ran against the wind and towards the shelter of the trees, pants materializing between them.

"Oh, Merlin, I left the eggs," Lily muttered, looking out into the increasingly violent snow storm. "They'll be covered again by now."

"Can't we just _accio_ them?"

"They'll break from the force," she said with a weary sigh. "Wait, Sirius. Where are we? Is this..." Her eyes flit frantically around her. "This is the Forbidden Forest, isn't it?"

"It's not like we're really _in_ it," he said with assurance. "Nothing will eat you. Promise."

She glared.

"And if anything tries," he patted his cloak pocket, "I've got my wand to protect you."

That worked a subtle smile from her. Lily's eyes continued to wander over the trees, and then she craned her neck upwards and paused. "Sirius, what's that?"

He looked. "I dunno," he said blatantly, squinting his eyes at the seemingly misplaced green bush hanging over them in the bare branches of the trees. "A plant," he supplied instead.

"I think that's..." She pressed her lips firmly together and looked him straight in the face instead.

"What is it?"

"It's mistletoe," she said quietly, voice hiding beneath the roar of the wind. "Look. Yellow flowers, white berries. It must be mistletoe."

Sirius could have groaned. "Oh, lovely."

"Not really," she said, shifting slightly. "It's a parasite, you know. Not very lovely."

"What?"

"We learned it in Herbology," she explained. "They latch onto the branches of trees and take their nutrients. Kill them, essentially."

"Oh," he said, glancing up at it, lost for words. He didn't really care what mistletoe did or what kind of potions it was used for or whether or not the berries were poisonous. The only thing that he could think was that he knew _one_ thing about mistletoe, and that alone was enough to drive him mental.

But perhaps Lily had never heard of what people did beneath mistletoe. Perhaps he could pretend as if he didn't know, either, and they could wait for the storm to pass without ever approaching the subject. Perhaps she couldn't see the way the thought made him increasingly uncomfortable.

But she noticed, of course, because Lily Evans noticed _everything_.

"It's a Christmas thing, isn't it?" she asked.

It was a week till Christmas, he remembered, and tomorrow they'd be released for vacation. His mind wandered to thoughts of home and where he would be for the holiday. With James, maybe? But the Potters were surely growing sick of him by now...

With a jolt Sirius suddenly realized how close he and Lily were standing. The cold had pushed them together for mutual warmth, and he hadn't noticed their proximity until he felt her breath warm on his skin.

"Yeah," was all he could make himself say. He felt faint.

"Well," she said, and her voice sounded ever more so like a whisper, "there _are_ traditions for a reason."

Oh, _no_, he was about to kiss Lily Evans, he _couldn't_, he would _die_, he would fall into the earth and suffocate in the snow, he would freeze to death before he did, he _couldn't_, he _wouldn't_, there was _no_ way, kissing Lily Evans was _absolutely_ out of bounds, he would _never _forgive himself—

The light brush of her lips on his was enough to drown all of his thoughts. She was testing the waters, nothing but merely tickling his skin, but the simple touch overwhelmed Sirius's senses. She was timid, uncertain, but Sirius met her with such acceptance that they were both set ablaze amidst the winter snow. Her lips were soft but powerful, dominating, and Sirius traced the line of her jaw with his gloved fingers, brushed her hair back with the other hand. She shivered beneath him and he pressed himself closer against her, meeting her mouth again and again with his. Her fingers skimmed his collar bone and the curve of his neck, twisted in the locks of his dark hair, brought his face as close to hers as she possibly could. Waves of heat surrounded them and Sirius couldn't help but think he could never, would never, mind holding her like this.

She parted her lips from his, and when she did, the cold enclosed them, submerging him in the distinct feeling of loneliness again. Her hand rested idly on his chest and she stared blankly at it, unmoving, locked in an embrace that she was evidently wary to break.

Sirius couldn't handle it, though, and stepped back from her, mystified breath fogging his vision.

She stared at him, hard, relentless, and he couldn't help but notice the pink of her cheeks, the pink of her lips. Perhaps if he wasn't Sirius Black, he could have appreciated her beauty, appreciated her kiss, appreciated their situation, but there was _no_ place for him in her world.

"Sirius," she said gently and tugged on his wrist. He couldn't read the expression in her eyes, but her words seemed to speak enough truth. "Let's go back now."

She meant inside, back to their classroom, in the warmth of the castle, but there was a thin lining to her words, something that whispered _back to the way we were before_.

He'd known it, and he'd expected it. He'd had a taste, nothing more than a tease, but the withdrawal cut him closely. There was no place for him here with Lily Evans. Nowhere.

He was alone, and he was lonely.

* * *

_A/N: Oh, Sirius, I'll love you! Oh, right, nobody wants to read about me and Sirius... well, I guess poor lovesick Sirius will have to do then. This was originally posted under a different name and I have come back and reposted it under this story because it seems like it'll have a better home here. Anywhoooo, leave a review? Thanks for reading, as always! xx_


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